As a nineteen year old female, it's a fairly decent bet that I've seen my share of chick flicks. They're fun, Dramas and Rom-Com's alike, so yeah even though I do like my gore and action I still fancy me a chick flick.
Among my favourites is He's just not that into you. Not for any particular reason, it's just entertaining. And as Borders has gone into receivership, and everything is super cheap at the moment, I bought the book as well. It's like a funny ass self help book, and I got it mainly as a joke. Half the stuff in it was either "well duh!" worthy or slightly depressing (I need a boyfriend... or a fuck buddy). But I didn't read it with myself and my relationships in mind.
So it's come as a bit of a surprise that I've started thinking of the advice in relation to actual guys.
Enter the guy. Because I'm paranoid that someone I know will eventually find this I will leave him nameless, and he will simply be The Guy. He lives with my brother (which would actually give his identity away in a heartbeat but oh well fuck it) and completely incidentally he and I have spent quite a bit of time together over the past two weeks. We'd met months ago, but I didn't live with them back then. But now I do. We both keep late hours. We both have a hyperactivity problem, which leads to a lot of Nerf wars. We both talk a lot. So we get along pretty well, actually we get along really well. It's totally platonic and he's never flirted with me at all or anything like that, so I haven't given that side of things much (Much) thought.
Then comes the conversation, where I realise that he thought I was a lesbian. Legitimate reasoning, last he knew I was dating a girl. So after explaining my sexuality (at 7 am I might add) I'm a bit confused when he just laughs and walks out. Then when he leaves for work he pats my head and ruffles my hair. Which he has never done in the whole two weeks that I've been sleeping in his lounge room.
So now I'm noticing changes. He teases me more; when he texts me he uses more emoticons, winking faces in particular. And now, with me back at mum and dads for only two days he's gotten bored while studying and started texting me for no real reason, just to chat.
Weird.
My first assumption is that he's simply gotten used to me being around. But I can't help the tiny little voice in the back left corner of my head saying that maybe he has feelings for me. Usually I kick myself when I read into what a guy is doing. And after reading He's just not that into you even more so. Despite that I can't help it. I'm trying to figure it out without going nuts, and I've fairly well convinced myself that it's nothing. Less than nothing. But the tiny voice refuses to shut up, and it's getting really annoying. Any tips for shutting it up? Because I don't want it to convince me to start liking this guy, because to be honest I like him too much. If that makes sense.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Well if I'd known at the time
For the first time in a long time, today I woke up before my dad. Which means that I have had plenty of time this morning to ponder the things going in circles in my head. And you know what? I think I'd rather be in bed. I've only briefly mentioned on here that I've broken up (in the past 2 months or so) with my boyfriend of 18 months. And I guess that's because it's not a bad thing. I'm glad that I did it, and haven't needed a place to rant. But the more I think about the relationship itself, the more I realise what a mistake it was to spend that much time in it.
Have you ever done something for someone, burned a bridge because it was what was best for someone else, and then had that someone turn out to be... well not exactly who you thought they were?
Nick, my ex, had this friend. Sarah and he always used to get into fights, and usually I'd stay out of it, just keep my head down and let them sort it out. But he didn't like that, he told me that I should stick up for him and defend him. Which I didn't want to do. I mean, if I got into a fight with one of my friends I would NOT want my boyfriend to get in the middle. No matter what, my mate is going to forgive me. Doesn't mean they will forgive Nick (And considering all my mates hated Nick anyway...yeah).
But during one of their fights I finally caved, and started abusing Sarah. Which ultimately shut her up about Nick, but pretty much made her hate me. I didn't care. She was never really my friend, and I don't usually care what people think of me. At the time I'll admit, I felt a bit guilty, because it just felt wrong to be saying those things to her. But as time passed I kind of forgot about it, all that changed was that I didn't see her as much as I did before.
However.
Ah there's always a "however". I finally got sick of Nick's crap, and dumped him. And that got me to thinking about the mistakes I made while I was dating him. Sarah being one of them.
Like I said, she and I weren't friends to begin with. But I never really gave her much of a chance, and in retrospect I know that I always had fun with her. She is bright and bubbly, and yes she has a few issues, everyone does. She's not the sort of person that I could be close with, but she is someone that I could hang with on occasion and enjoy it.
So bridge burned and regrets made. But at least I've learnt from this whole thing, and I'm hoping I don't make the same mistake again. Because if there's anything I really hate, that's realising I made a mistake when it's too late to fix it.
Have you ever done something for someone, burned a bridge because it was what was best for someone else, and then had that someone turn out to be... well not exactly who you thought they were?
Nick, my ex, had this friend. Sarah and he always used to get into fights, and usually I'd stay out of it, just keep my head down and let them sort it out. But he didn't like that, he told me that I should stick up for him and defend him. Which I didn't want to do. I mean, if I got into a fight with one of my friends I would NOT want my boyfriend to get in the middle. No matter what, my mate is going to forgive me. Doesn't mean they will forgive Nick (And considering all my mates hated Nick anyway...yeah).
But during one of their fights I finally caved, and started abusing Sarah. Which ultimately shut her up about Nick, but pretty much made her hate me. I didn't care. She was never really my friend, and I don't usually care what people think of me. At the time I'll admit, I felt a bit guilty, because it just felt wrong to be saying those things to her. But as time passed I kind of forgot about it, all that changed was that I didn't see her as much as I did before.
However.
Ah there's always a "however". I finally got sick of Nick's crap, and dumped him. And that got me to thinking about the mistakes I made while I was dating him. Sarah being one of them.
Like I said, she and I weren't friends to begin with. But I never really gave her much of a chance, and in retrospect I know that I always had fun with her. She is bright and bubbly, and yes she has a few issues, everyone does. She's not the sort of person that I could be close with, but she is someone that I could hang with on occasion and enjoy it.
So bridge burned and regrets made. But at least I've learnt from this whole thing, and I'm hoping I don't make the same mistake again. Because if there's anything I really hate, that's realising I made a mistake when it's too late to fix it.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Ah hell, again?
Having just discovered my dads new hiding spot for his Rollie's, and a six pack in the fridge, you would think I was in a better mood than I was when I posted earlier tonight. Wouldn't you?
Well you know what buddy, you would be wrong.
Sitting here, ignoring my parents neurotic puppy and listening to cake, sipping at a partially stolen beer, somehow it has me reminiscing about high school.
Have you ever known someone in high school, who you had a major crush on, but who was your friend?
Yeah, I had about twenty of them, no hyperbole!
And you know what the sucky thing is? I'm still friends with most of them, at least on facebook, and I just realised, that in most of their cases I'd still definitely go there. But they either never knew I liked them, or think it's cute and all in the past.
Which, okay, I wouldn't necessarily date every one of them, but I'd fuck a decent amount of them.
And it's times like these that I'm thankful no one knows about this blog!
Well you know what buddy, you would be wrong.
Sitting here, ignoring my parents neurotic puppy and listening to cake, sipping at a partially stolen beer, somehow it has me reminiscing about high school.
Have you ever known someone in high school, who you had a major crush on, but who was your friend?
Yeah, I had about twenty of them, no hyperbole!
And you know what the sucky thing is? I'm still friends with most of them, at least on facebook, and I just realised, that in most of their cases I'd still definitely go there. But they either never knew I liked them, or think it's cute and all in the past.
Which, okay, I wouldn't necessarily date every one of them, but I'd fuck a decent amount of them.
And it's times like these that I'm thankful no one knows about this blog!
Little bit of a Problem
Okay, so it's confession time again. Time for me to 'fess up about things I'd rather not lay claim to, and to admit to uncomfortable truths.
So here it is, in black and white:
I'm addicted, to boys.
Now I know what you're thinking, sure thing, a lot of nearly-20-people are a bit preoccupied with the opposite sex, it's only natural. But that's just it. It's not me being a bit pre-occupied. I'm addicted to male attention, of pretty much any sort.
You see for the past two weeks I've been crashing on my brothers floor. He lives on the fourth story of a four story apartment block, in a little, slightly run down, 70's style apartment. He lives with his girlfriend. And two other guys.
Plus, it's the "party house" so there's almost always a few extra people around, most of them male.
Most of them single.
So without my even intending it I've been with guys pretty much 24/7 for the past two weeks. Which I haven't been complaining about in the slightest. I've always know that I like male company, and I don't mean that in a purely sexual sense. I just like hanging out with them, kinda being "one of the boys". It's how life was when I was a kid.
Well, when I was a kid I didn't subconsciously asses every guy I see and rate him as to how easily he could get me naked. I didn't think about sex almost every spare minute of the day (which, considering I'm unemployed and homeless, is quite a few minutes), and I didn't flirt anywhere near as much as I do, even as a young teen. When I was younger I didn't try to see how many drinks I could get a guy to buy me, nor did I pretend to get mad at guys just to see their reaction.
Point is, I didn't view guys in quite the same way as I do now.
Plus the fact that I haven't been laid in about a MONTH isn't helping.
(You have no idea how frustrated that little baby is making me)
But now, I'm back at mum and dad's house, for the next five or so days. Where the only "guy" is my dad. Who I have a few...shall we say problems with?
So I'm sitting here at the computer, talking in the background with my mother about Internet scams and the like, all the while wondering how in hell I'm going to cope.
I know I lived here for eighteen years.
I know I wasn't always surrounded by people, even that there was a time I shunned human company in favour of a good book. Which I still do.
But Goddammit I want to at least have the choice!
So, one week.
No alcohol, no drugs. No boys.
No fun.
Guess I'll be spending a lot of time online the next few days. Please post interesting things for me to read!
♥
So here it is, in black and white:
I'm addicted, to boys.
Now I know what you're thinking, sure thing, a lot of nearly-20-people are a bit preoccupied with the opposite sex, it's only natural. But that's just it. It's not me being a bit pre-occupied. I'm addicted to male attention, of pretty much any sort.
You see for the past two weeks I've been crashing on my brothers floor. He lives on the fourth story of a four story apartment block, in a little, slightly run down, 70's style apartment. He lives with his girlfriend. And two other guys.
Plus, it's the "party house" so there's almost always a few extra people around, most of them male.
Most of them single.
So without my even intending it I've been with guys pretty much 24/7 for the past two weeks. Which I haven't been complaining about in the slightest. I've always know that I like male company, and I don't mean that in a purely sexual sense. I just like hanging out with them, kinda being "one of the boys". It's how life was when I was a kid.
Well, when I was a kid I didn't subconsciously asses every guy I see and rate him as to how easily he could get me naked. I didn't think about sex almost every spare minute of the day (which, considering I'm unemployed and homeless, is quite a few minutes), and I didn't flirt anywhere near as much as I do, even as a young teen. When I was younger I didn't try to see how many drinks I could get a guy to buy me, nor did I pretend to get mad at guys just to see their reaction.
Point is, I didn't view guys in quite the same way as I do now.
Plus the fact that I haven't been laid in about a MONTH isn't helping.
(You have no idea how frustrated that little baby is making me)
But now, I'm back at mum and dad's house, for the next five or so days. Where the only "guy" is my dad. Who I have a few...shall we say problems with?
So I'm sitting here at the computer, talking in the background with my mother about Internet scams and the like, all the while wondering how in hell I'm going to cope.
I know I lived here for eighteen years.
I know I wasn't always surrounded by people, even that there was a time I shunned human company in favour of a good book. Which I still do.
But Goddammit I want to at least have the choice!
So, one week.
No alcohol, no drugs. No boys.
No fun.
Guess I'll be spending a lot of time online the next few days. Please post interesting things for me to read!
♥
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