Well if I'd known at the time

For the first time in a long time, today I woke up before my dad. Which means that I have had plenty of time this morning to ponder the things going in circles in my head. And you know what? I think I'd rather be in bed. I've only briefly mentioned on here that I've broken up (in the past 2 months or so) with my boyfriend of 18 months. And I guess that's because it's not a bad thing. I'm glad that I did it, and haven't needed a place to rant. But the more I think about the relationship itself, the more I realise what a mistake it was to spend that much time in it.

Have you ever done something for someone, burned a bridge because it was what was best for someone else, and then had that someone turn out to be... well not exactly who you thought they were?

Nick, my ex, had this friend. Sarah and he always used to get into fights, and usually I'd stay out of it, just keep my head down and let them sort it out. But he didn't like that, he told me that I should stick up for him and defend him. Which I didn't want to do. I mean, if I got into a fight with one of my friends I would NOT want my boyfriend to get in the middle. No matter what, my mate is going to forgive me. Doesn't mean they will forgive Nick (And considering all my mates hated Nick anyway...yeah).

But during one of their fights I finally caved, and started abusing Sarah. Which ultimately shut her up about Nick, but pretty much made her hate me. I didn't care. She was never really my friend, and I don't usually care what people think of me. At the time I'll admit, I felt a bit guilty, because it just felt wrong to be saying those things to her. But as time passed I kind of forgot about it, all that changed was that I didn't see her as much as I did before.

However.
Ah there's always a "however". I finally got sick of Nick's crap, and dumped him. And that got me to thinking about the mistakes I made while I was dating him. Sarah being one of them.

Like I said, she and I weren't friends to begin with. But I never really gave her much of a chance, and in retrospect I know that I always had fun with her. She is bright and bubbly, and yes she has a few issues, everyone does. She's not the sort of person that I could be close with, but she is someone that I could hang with on occasion and enjoy it.

So bridge burned and regrets made. But at least I've learnt from this whole thing, and I'm hoping I don't make the same mistake again. Because if there's anything I really hate, that's realising I made a mistake when it's too late to fix it.